But What Do You Actually Want?

Growing up, I was known for having no problem saying what I wanted. Apparently, subtlety was not one of my gifts. Whether I was asking for an extra scoop of ice cream or a semester abroad, I was usually willing to put it out there. The answer was not always yes, of course, but I was generally okay speaking up and going after what I wanted.

So, when I started working with clients, I remember being surprised by the pause that would sometimes come after I asked, “What do you want?” Sometimes it was because they were nervous to say it out loud, but other times, they genuinely were not sure. Somewhere between responsibilities, obligations, routines, and just getting through the week, it can be surprisingly easy to lose touch with your own desires. And, as it turns out, I was not immune either. As I got older, I went through my own seasons of feeling much less connected to what I wanted and a lot more hesitant to go after it. Apparently, I took empathizing with my clients a little too seriously. 🤷🏽‍♀️ 😂

All of this has made me realize that “What do I want?” is probably a question worth coming back to every now and then. Not what you should want. Not what makes the most sense on paper. Not what you decided you wanted five years ago? But what do you want now?

Are you building a life you love to live? Are the goals you’re working toward still yours? Are your relationships fulfilling? Are you happy with how you spend your free time? And it does not always have to be that deep. Maybe you have been listening to the news every morning on your way to work and suddenly realize you would rather listen to music. Maybe you are eating the same meals because they are healthy, but there are a hundred other healthy foods you might enjoy more. Sometimes checking in with what you want is about the direction of your life. Sometimes it is about what you want for dinner.

When was the last time you checked in with yourself? Are the things you’re pursuing now still things you want? Is the life you’re building aligned with who you are now, or with a version of you from a few years ago?

When you do check in, one of a few things might happen.

1. You might realize that the life you’re building is still aligned with what you want. Amazing. There’s something really affirming and motivating about being able to look around and think, I chose this. I’m still choosing this. I’m on the right path for me.
   

2. You might realize that what you want has changed, and your current life or goals haven’t quite caught up yet. That’s okay too. This may simply mean it’s time to realign and start making choices that better reflect where you are now.
   

3. You might realize that you genuinely don’t know what you want right now. Still okay. This just means you may have an extra step before making any big changes: giving yourself the time and space to explore what you actually want in the first place.

There’s really no wrong answer here. Maybe nothing needs to change at all. Maybe something does. The point is simply to give yourself a moment to check in every once in a while and make sure you’re still choosing your life on purpose.

A little nudge from your coach: Take five minutes to really reflect on what you want. You can think big picture, or simply check in with something small you’d like to do for yourself today.

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P.S. This is exactly the kind of work I help my coaching clients with. If you’d like support getting clear on what you want, you can learn more about working together here.